#1037: “What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?”

~ Midlife Dating Adventures

I am half in love with Captain Awkward. This is one of the best, most down-to-earth and straightforward responses to a common issue these days. It used to be called ‘just not that into you’ – now it might be called simmering or icing or benching or just plain bastardry. Why do we find it so hard to treat each other as we would like to be treated? Why do we seek to hold people in reserve or refuse to be honest and accountable, when in fact we are causing suffering for another human being? We do we feel entitled to fuck around with no responsibility? These are all questions for the universal psyche! Read on for the letter and the Captain’s wise words.

CaptainAwkward.com

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months now. He has this pattern of disappearing for a couple of days and then come back. At the beginning he was all super flirty on text and showered me with compliments and sent each other snaps and nudes and said all the sweet things like he wants to treat me like a princess and make me his. Lowkey I knew he was a fuckboy* because most of the time he wanted to sext and talk about fucking me. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship but if we become more than something then sure but if we don’t then we continue being friends. I came out of a 4 year relationship couple of months ago so I have been out of the dating game for too long and I moved in here to California from a different country so…

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25 thoughts on “#1037: “What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?””

  2. I agree with allll those comments. Letter Writer isn’t listening to her intuition. He’s told her *and showed her* he wants no-strings-attached yet she keeps holding out hope he doesn’t mean it or will change his mind.

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  3. I must add, in response to ghosting in this instance – Captain Awkward is right on re the ghoster being in the right. They’re not even dating in my eyes, they were/are ‘seeing each other’ which is something totally different. I think I have been inspired to post about fuckboy thoughts.

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    1. I totally agree that they weren’t dating but I still think the guy’s behaviour was unethical – or maybe she was being particularly thick because she developed feelings for him and couldn’t see it objectively. Regardless, the Captain’s response was spot on!

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      1. And yes agree re Captain’s response being spot on & now that I’ve re-read the LW, I agree re ghoster being unethical.
        It’s made me query fuckboy status for TheMaster although that has it’s own complexities as we met playmates….It may have inspired a post!

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      4. Ok, I re-read further and whilst I agree that the ghoster is unethical to a degree I don’t believe he is being dishonest. They both clearly have issues to sort through (who doesn’t) but he has tried being honest from the outset…..LW just seems to dismiss a fair bit of it/turn a blind eye.
        I will post further I think but I don’t believe TheMaster in my case is a dishonest fuckboy – we did meet as fuck friends, so I do need to take responsibility for owning my feelings that I have developed, recognising his too but I do believe he also has respect for mine.

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      5. I need to read some more of your blog to express an opinion about that. I’m a little confused about the term fuckboy. I have read it used in some of Christine Feminist’s stuff and come across it here and there, but Captain Awkward seemed to have this whole context thing going that I was completely unaware of. My assumption was that the term means a male slut – or a guy who likes to have a lot of sex without commitment or relationships (trying not to use loaded terms here). I’d be interested to hear your view. And I definitely need to read more of your blog!

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      6. Oh my view of a fuckboy is definitely on par with yours – it definitely seems like a less derogatory term than the female equivalent of slut, perhaps fuckgirl should be used more haha.
        The view I want to write about is more personal journalling really…querying whether I have been too subjective on various happenings & situations involving TheMaster.

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      9. Ok I retract my flippant use of the that term too now after reading this http://affinitymagazine.us/2016/04/18/quit-saying-fkboy-the-history-behind-an-ugly-word/ hmmm now for a new word….’he’s just not that into you’ isn’t quite as succinct. Player doesn’t seem quite right either in the context of TheMaster for me but I suppose it is even though I am 99% certain he is not a player for many reasons….not saying that parents can’t be players but he is a busy man on many fronts. Openly stating that you ‘just love to fuck’ doesn’t make you a player in my book.

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      10. No I think a player is someone (male or female) who is dishonest about fucking lots of people at the same time. There is an implied lack of respect by the name, as in ‘messing people around’ in order to maximise your hit rate, plus a sense of disingenuous behaviour such as false compliments, pick-up lines etc

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      11. I agree with all of that Eve. TheMaster is definitely not a player, I think he is in a league of his own….it may be my rose coloured glasses seeing that but I think my vision isn’t too impaired.

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